no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
