Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
