i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
