I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
