I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
