I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
