What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
