i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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