When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
