I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just had sex on a roof
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
