a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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