I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
