This is not my ceiling
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
