MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
