my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize