I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
