I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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