fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
