God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
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Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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