its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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