Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
