btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
