can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
