his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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