FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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