Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
