we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
