To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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