dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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