Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
