i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
