You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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