rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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