Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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