I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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