I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
