i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
