Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
