Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
