I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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