So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
