I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
