Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
