Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
