I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
