Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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