Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
