So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
