You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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