I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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