Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
