onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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