I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
