I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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