5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
