my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
