You just made me feel so damn special
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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