I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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