Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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