Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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