Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
