im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
