Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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