Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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