How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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