Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
