Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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