I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
