I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
