I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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