I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
