do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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