Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
