i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
