New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
