dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
