i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
