Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
